Funeral Arrangements

Leonardo DiCaprio, playing the part of Frank Abagnale Jr. in the film “Catch Me If You Can,” is forced to choose between two parents, themselves caught up in the pain and conflict of divorce. Though we know the choice would not necessarily define the young man’s fidelity to either parent or the measure of his given love, as audience we are led along with the character to experience the trauma of this moment as a determining reason for his ensuing life of confusion. Frank Abagnale Jr. is sixteen years old at that time. You’ve probably seen the film, and yes, I know it’s Hollywood, but …

That particular scene from the movie comes to mind this morning as I read about a new shift in policy for soldiers going to war. How many of these are young men and women? 18? 19? 20? These deploying soldiers will now be compelled to name the custodian of their last remains as part of their preparation for departure to Iraq – they will have to choose between their parents and loved ones. I want to be amazed, but the feeling I have borders more on sickness. I can not imagine being a young man or woman facing the prospects of death by deployment and at that moment be forced to choose which of my divorcing parents will have the right to claim my dead remains.

This backwater story in the NYTimes is a two minute read and explanation providing details regarding the change of policy prompted by two cases of dispute between divorced parents, one in Oklahoma and the other in Nevada. Representative Shelly Berkley called it a “simple change,” one that will “prevent heartache for military families and will give our service men and women the final say in who determines their funeral arrangements.”

Dismiss me if you will: Decide I lack balanced perspective because I am an emotionally invested player, but “funeral arrangements” is the LAST thing I want our sons and daughters compelled to define. Let them think life. Insist they think life. If we must make arrangements to bury them, we can do it later.

technorati tags: war, Iraq, Tommi